Seattle from Green Mountain

This is one of my favorite views in the world.  No.  This is my favorite view in the world.  There is Seattle.  This giant metropolitan area where... a lot of people live.  It's representative, to me, of...the pinnacle of human accomplishment here.  and then there's the mountains in the back.  (I'd call them the cascades but I have no idea if they are or not)  Look at that little city compared to the vastness of creation.  How little of it we have any measure of control over.  That might sound. overdramatic, or even downright false to a lot of people who have climate change and overpopulation on their minds all the time, but naive as I might be, I can't not think that we are pretty inconsequential when I look at Seattle from the top of that little hill in Seabeck.  A wave tossed in the ocean as it were.

I'm having a hard time feeling my hope and a future right now.  I know it's there. and I'm thinking that I sound pretty sappy right now.  and now that I'm annoying for pointing it out in myself.  and redundant for saying that I don't care, 'I'm just putting out how I feel.'

I don't see anything at all tangible in my future, and it's not just slightly scary, it's.  Maddening.  Blood boiling. Trust God more.

Reading in the morning, reading in the afternoon, reading in the evening.  Nothing to show for it really.  I got a 3/12 on that quiz.  That made me feel great after I spent the better part of the last 2 days reading for that class.  It was trade and grade too.  Even better.

The adopted kids name is Biniam (phonetically at least). So sorry if you were offended when I called you the adopted kid in an earlier post...Jake can also read my mind apparently.  I hate you Jake.  I really really.  Really.  love you.  (in a totally maaaaanly wwaaaaaaaaayyy).  Anyways big B.  I have mad love for your high-fiving-awesomeness. so we're cool?

I hate that I'm still so immature.  I feel suddenly a lot better after Jake barged in and bothered me for 40 seconds or so.  I really hate how I'm such an idealist.  I really hate that my mind just zooms around so fast, clinging to ridiculous ideas, then unclinging just as fast.  I hate that I care so much what some newb might think of me reading this.  Pat Mowdy. for some reason I just thought of you. I hate a lot.  I should love more.

Baaah.  Enough wasted time.