Is it worse to be in a rut or to have your head in the clouds?

My answer every time that question's come up on that test has always been rut.  Well I'm certainly rutting it up right now.  I just feel stagnant.  I don't have the new years routine I wanted.  Nothing exciting is going on.  I'm hungry.  I don't want to buy food.  I'm going back home this weekend but I don't want to get gas.

CCF is annoying me.  $45 for discipleship class, $86 for winter camp, who knows how much for the student spring impact missions trip.  I'm not paying any of that.  Not because I'm not willing to step out in faith, or I'm not listening to God.  I've been there and done that.  I feel like I've had my life's fill of paying money to go out and give myself an emotional high.  God has got plenty for me to do here on campus and in the lives of the poeple that I know and love already.  Fruitful labor right here for me to do.  an impact to make right here.  He's given me his word and a savior to pray to.  That is sufficient.  All that other stuff is well and good for other people.  and if they feel that's what God wants them to do fine.  If I did do any of that it would be out of peer pressure, and a desire to please them, not a desire to follow God.  Yes, God has other things in store for me.

It's really hard for me to stomach also CCF's stance on women pastoring.  I feel like it's a group dedicated to feeling good.  Jake shares these insights about it attracting a huge ratio of girls to guys, and themes of coming to CCF to find a boyfriend.  I remain skeptical ostensibly, but I don't not agree with him.  I just wonder how much Gospel there is.  I hear Brady speak though and.  He seems earnest.  He seems like a Gospel guy...I don't know.  I'm conflicted about all this.  I love the guys at core. and I feel like they are well intentioned.  but I feel so much more substance at Redeemer.  at GC.

Church Sunday was great speaking of those folks.  Saturday night, Nic Pushcor was over watching the seahawks, and he randomly asks where we go to church. unprompted.  We answer.  He replies saying he's coming with us tomorrow morning.  He says he hadn't been to church since 2nd grade. There was Korean style intercession and the start of a study on Nehemiah. Very cool.  The whole time I was so worried about what Nic was thinking though.  "Oh man...there are some people raising their hands...indiscriminate hand clapping...great...man...now we're weirdos to him..." and then out of the blue, God moved.  without the help of Matt, Jake, or I.  Amazing.  Nic was having a real Jesus moment.  I honestly don't know where he's at right now.  I know Jake prayed with him...follow up is necessary.

Pray for me praying.  Pray for me listening.  I found myself implying that I was having a dialogue, a give and take, with God about my life as I was praying tonight.  What bologna is that.  I need to be mastered by my savior.  Mortified.

On the more positive side...I enjoy my classes mostly.  Kristen Parris is the spitting temperamental image of Ms. Fisher.  Critical Theory is interesting...I'm only let down by my American Authors class.  So boring.  and so. seemingly...just...uninspired....useless...who knows.  Later this week I plan on declaring officially Political Science along with English, as well as visiting Bobby and the law school info center.  I feel like that is the direction to go at this point.  I'm half way or so through One L and...it feels right.  Pray for my humble submission to Gods will.  I don't want to get locked into a track because of my stubbornness or. a lack of prayerful searching.

I was looking up stats on UW.  21% acceptance this year.  24,000 tuition alone.  Pray for me prayerfully finding the way God has for me into that realm.  if that is the realm I'm headed towards.  The grades, essay, and test scores I can take care of (Gods given me those skills...and by His grace I'll use them well).  I need to know a professor or two to write me a letter.  and I need some way to prove that I'm a socially responsible and active person, in addition to being a capable student.  Some activity.  a leadership opportunity. who knows. I have two years.

The room is dirty and not rearranged.  The fridge is empty, and the sink is full.  Which means I'm generally obfuscated.  I don't even care if that doesn't totally make sense there.  That word feels too right coming off my tongue in this situation to not be used.

I am through verse 11 of chapter 1 in my memorization of Philippians.  By Easter is the goal.  It could be a good Easter if my act holds together.

Today I will exercise, eat, take a picture, and floss.  This weekend the Seahawks will beat the Bears, the Pats will stomp the Jets, the Steelers will out muscle the Ravens, and Aaron Rodgers will Squeeze Green Bay past Atlanta.   This Friday I will be home.