But I left the clothes I sweat in at the apartment. I was not motivated enough to make the 45 minute round trip there and back again a second time today.
Working out is such a weird activity though...You go into a room and move objects with a lot of mass back and forth, accomplishing nothing. No work is done. How silly. I was going to say something about how people 400 years ago would have thought it was silly, but I guess weight training dates back to ancient grease. Thank you once again Wikipedia. *(Ancient grease? really Matt? fascinating...I did not realize John Travolta was so old...I also didn't realize my jokes were so lame.)
I spent a bit of time this morning before class going back and looking at all my various emails, messages, comments, and other internet communication media through the years. I was a silly boy at 17. Heck, I was a silly boy at 19. Even still I'm far from being free of silliness. And I have the audacity to desire a girlfriend? Please...
Tomorrow were having a men only GC. How exciting.
I definitely have a noticeable bruise on the top o' my head.
It's still relatively early in the day for me, but I did write down some random thoughts in a little notepad...let's see what we've got...
Ahh yes, when I was 17 I was even more of a fool than presently. Glad we covered that.
I made a note of how frustrating it is when I turn in an assignment which I've spent considerable time and effort on, and which I believe to be quality work, and I get it back with only a check mark on it. I want feedback. I need to be verbally affirmed. Tell me I'm awesome, people. I need it.
I also made a note (immediately after an instance of the following) about how ineffective a learner I become after I've spoken out in class and been wrong. I spend the rest of the class period reflecting on my mistake and how much of a fool everyone surely thinks I am now. Today Anne asked what the infinitive verb to know was in Spanish. I said ser. I was immediately contradicted by the woman just behind me who enthusiastically proclaimed the correct response: saber. Oh what a foolish mistake I made...my face turned red, as a thick layer of sweat quickly shot out of every pore of my body, whilst all of my hairs stood on end.
It do not know why it is hardest for me to be productive when I am nearing my goal. The end of the quarter is two weeks away and it is now that I have no will to work. No. Not this time. This time I will follow through with my gargantuan swing. I will not be found wanting effort now. Right?
I have become pretty good at cracking my knuckles. Or my knuckles have gotten used to being cracked.
The more people I hear that are reading this the more difficult it becomes for me to post more honest/intimate things. I feel almost if I posted certain things it would detract from their value, or more importantly (it shouldn't be, but is), make me look showy. But didn't I say somewhere back in the ancient annals of this blog that I wasn't going to care what people thought? That this was about me, and that's the point? If you don't want to choke on sentimentality (or lugubriousness) you don't have to be here.
So here are some of the "selfish" prayers I've been praying.
1. a.To be able to show my family love ostensibly.
b. to be a better big brother.
2. For an awesome girl who loves Jesus...(I pray so carefully about this one...trying to say it in the least self-serving,Thy-will-be-done way possible. It's something close to funny.)
3. a.To develop a love for all of the people God created. ("break my heart for what breaks yours...")
b. To not hate.
4. To learn to be ceaselessly in prayer
5. a. For victory over temptation, through grace.
b. To forget my past.
6. a. Wisdom. Because God says he'll give it to me if I ask. and I lack it.
b. Peace in the knowledge of God's omnipotence
7. Opportunities to share Jesus, and courage to follow through
8. A job. (I tread lightly around this one too.)
So family (and others...?), Hold me accountable for this stuff. Call me out. That's important.
Class is in an hour. 261. I'm stinking hungry...I went to the grocery store and filled up half a cart, then went and put almost everything back except for milk and bread. I'm trying to remember that at this point I'm not spending money I've earned. That money really isn't something that's ever mine anyway. I've got food to eat though. I just have to get used to eating these...healthy things...
I eat almost no sugar. I have lost 2 lbs so far this quarter. That's not great, but it's something. I'm at 198 according to the scale in the gym. My goal is 180 by next summer. I'll have to buckle down the rest of the year if I really want to get there...
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