Don't worry,

I do realize that there are many aspects of this blog that I've set up which already potentially give off an air of extreme pretension.  The Frost allusions, the ridiculously emo blog description (drawn from an obscure German novel nonetheless), and even my tone as a "writer" (oh goodness...quotations marks.) all seem a bit...full of my selfish.  Well, to heck with all of that.  I have come to believe that I have a problem with my self-confidence.  With my self-esteem.  With my self-everything.  I believe that the way I have seen myself, my whole life, is as inferior to most others.  Especially strangers.  and I don't want to care anymore.  So I'm going to be as showy as I want here, because, while I have had problems seeing myself this way, I do indeed know in my heart, that I am at the very least: unique.  At the very least I am a human being with thoughts as worthy to be heard as any other man God has created.  Beyond that I truly believe that God has given me a degree of passion, and dare I say talent, for expressing myself with the written word. So I will level with you, imaginary reader, (I'm going to tacit imaginary from here on out, but dear reader, I don't presume that it shouldn't be implied for quite awhile, if not forever) this whole ordeal is inherently egocentric, but Paul says in Philippians, "each of you should look not only to your own interests." That verse might not seem especially applicable at first, but the key word for me is only (if you couldn't tell).  Paul does not tell us to look only for our own interests, nor only for others.  Paul tells us that both are important with the words not only.  So I am going to indulge in my "pretensions" (even with quotation marks [and these darn parenthesis...]) in whatever way I see fit here.  I am going to be me, unabashedly.  It isn't out of a fakeness.  If you can take my word for it.  It really is me, trying to be me...trying...

I'm not big on proof-reading either. FYI.  Verbal defecation all the way.

That being said, I will at least acknowledge that the quote from Rober Walser's "The Assistant" which greets you at the top of this page is not entirely applicable to me.  I am aware that I have amazing people in my life who are indeed eager to receive news of me.  But it is still a beautiful description of a more broad alienation that I think many are prone to feel, including myself.  This literary question, as with so many others, is presented with the greatest of all answers in Christ, however.  The peerlessly holy, and loving friend, eager to the point of paradox to commune with a people such as us.  It is a most sincere desire that in these posts I should never forget to answer my questions with a trip to the foot of the cross.

Back briefly onto the subject of my ostentation.  It is something I am somewhat sure will pass as these posts are increasingly enveloped into my everyday.